A Couple’s Tool for Success

4 min readOct 6, 2021
Photo by Susan Holt Simpson on Unsplash

As a Psychotherapist, I work with a diverse population of couples in various stages of their relationships. Some have been married a short time, some for more than 20 years, some contemplating marriage, and some comfortable being in a committed partnership. By the time a couple seeks out therapy, they are usually struggling to share intimate thoughts and feelings with their partner due to components of intimacy that have run aground between them usually due to the lack of necessary communication for problem-solving ongoing relational concerns.

I have developed a simple method to help remedy the stagnation in their verbal and physical interactions which I hope will strengthen their emotional connection. It is called “The 10 Minute Check In” and it is preferably completed on a daily basis for maximum effect for a couple’s well being.

How it works:

A couple will decide on the time of day they will have a “10 minute” verbal interaction, not about children, finances, extended family members, work, or sports shows. The subject matter is all about them, the couple, and begins with this question to each other, “Am I meeting your emotional needs today as your partner”?

At first reading, you are probably thinking, that is a certainty to start an argument or offending their partner with a negative response. However, this method of communication is reviewed in Couples Therapy sessions prior to trying it out at home. The couple is instructed to ask the question of each partner and if the answer is “Yes” then the partner who has asked will feel content about the reaction from their partner which will build an avenue for a stronger connection to his/her partner. If the answer is “No”, there is data evident to begin a much needed dialogue a couple can start on their own, only if done respectfully, or in the next therapy session with the clinician.

I have begun to collect data with couples I have been working with in therapy by facilitating instruction for this intervention in couple counseling sessions. So far I have observed a noticeable change in the couple’s emotional bond which directly affects the couple’s ability to communicate effectively to one another.

As an ethical clinician, my objective to teach this method is not to cause emotional harm to…


Jezebel is a psychotherapist who lives and works passionately. Life is a journey worth sharing our musings for others to enjoy.