Being a mental health clinician during the daytime affords me the opportunity to gather much data about other’s relationships. I work with couples and individuals alike, a lot having to do about communication.
We all have our preferences about the way someone expresses their emotions and thoughts towards us. We reflect that tone back to the other person. Often, if the dialog is fraught with emotion, it will not be received well by the other person.
Every one of us has their unique style of communication. Sarcastic, authoritative, whining, screaming, dismissive, and empathically. It is important to figure which one is preferred or expected from others, whether it be work, family, community, or love relationships. You may even have to adapt your style for each interaction in any of these domains.
When emotional currency is present in an interaction with another person, it is the other person whose response will direct the flow of the conversation, either negatively or positively. If your partner or friend reacts in a way that seems out of proportion, you probably hit a nerve without trying.
What you do next is imperative. Fall on the sword! Why?? Because you need intel to figure out what they heard you say!
I recently made a mistake myself in my personal life. I heard something I didn’t want to hear from my partner, and I reacted out of proportionally, to the topic in a text. I brought out all the things I had been keeping to myself about my concerns about our long term relationship for the past 11 months. We have had our disagreements (passionately) and hurt one another’s feelings (also passionately) before. For my part in these negative interactions, I didn’t pursue an outcome to these disagreements to work out what had happened between us. I jumped to conclusions from a text my partner sent, and I erupted in a flurry of negative comments, again in text. This is an absolute no-no! Don’t say anything important to someone important to you in text, instead, reach for the phone, or better still, see them in person so there is no chance of misrepresentation on your end.
I ended our relationship yesterday after a series of bitter text exchanges. Unfortunately, I read into them and once you say something hurtful, you cannot bring those…