Again!
Ugh! Masturbating alone on Friday Night wishing to be with a lover!
Here, a bunch of us, I am sure, feel this same way on a Friday night! It is the most hated night of the week for me! Why? Date night for most couples that is why! Because the man who cannot tell his family about me is home with his family and I am alone! Oh, he fucked me during the week, but weekends are reserved for his family!
Why the fuck do I do this to myself?? The truth is, I am weak and apparently like the self-loathing. I need to end something that wasn’t meant to be I suppose, but all the stars were aligned in my mind…yes, I know..duh!
But it is not that easy because, you see, he is a soulmate, a person I signed a love contract with in a previous lifetime, and he doesn’t know it! He is my TwinFlame if you know anything about the Tarot! A Sacred bond!
What the fuck do I do now! It only took me hundreds of years to find him!
I know from Friday at 3 pm until Monday morning at 6:00 am, I will ghosted, well, not entirely, he will throw a text or too that when I answer, I will get a one word response. I wait for those texts but then get immediately disappointed once I realize that is all it is.
To be unloved is horrible for an Empath! Not to mention for my self- esteem and self-confidence!
Some of my Tarot readings say to leave toxicity behind that does not serve me, but I cannot!
How do you leave your soulmate behind?? He understands my essence but he has cautioned me to not fall in love with him. What awaits me emotionally? Certain heartbreak, almost assuredly as the dawn will come by morning.
I knew embarking on this path that I was not able to see him on the weekend! Actually, I did not know I would feel this way about him and that this would turn out like this!
He knows I am alone and has even encouraged me to find a plaything for the weekends. I know this isn’t fair to label him like this, but it is the truth!!
Six weeks ago, he noticed I was falling in love with him. I denied it naturally! But I was lying to myself! He told me he was not ready emotionally!
