The Ups and Downs of ENM

4 min readJul 25, 2020

As I have said many times before, my lifestyle is not easy! It’s like a freaking roller coaster much of the time!

You cannot show real feelings, because partners will get skeezed out, especially if you are following the usual rules of engagement of ethical non-monogamy!

I have a partner worthy of my entire existence, but……he isn’t mine for the taking! You see, we embarked on this delicious adventure knowing we were “just” sex partners, nothing more.

Most of the time I have been able to do a “hit and run", but he is so open to me playing with others, that it kills my desire to fuck others. I cherish him more because he realizes that I have sexual needs unlike him. He is not jealous and is very confident about me coming back to him.

And I do..actually I haven’t wanted to have sex with others since entangling with him. Yes, he has experienced a swinger party without me, which killed me emotionally. But who am to judge, I was fucking others at that time as well!

I used to have two lovely partners who were keeping me content sexually, but not emotionally, which was the expectation. But I began to feel used and under appreciated. The new guy makes me feel sexy and wanted!

I felt like a piece of meat with most of my former partners. The new guy has been encouraging me to continue having penetrative sex with a partner who stretched my sexual awareness of DOMINANCE in the bedroom, and it was awesome fun!He is a neighbor and lives a few streets away from me.

I was tested for STDs recently and found out some startling statistics about STDs and where you can get them. Did you know you can get Chlamydia in your throat if you go down on someone dirty??

The guys I used to fuck were way too trusting of me. I was careful using condoms, but gave blowjobs bareback to all I fucked. I was putting myself and all my partners I was having sex with in danger of passing on something orally. That was unforgivable of me!!

That was a game changer when I got my results and was clean! I made a pact with my sexual self to get sexual testing data from partners before having sex with them! To date none of my past partners have expressed the desire to do so!

So, you may be thinking, Jezzy, what is so bad about fucking how ever many partners as you want with “permission” from your main squeeze?? Well, he isn’t mine to squeeze, even if I wanted just to…


Jezebel is a psychotherapist who lives and works passionately. Life is a journey worth sharing our musings for others to enjoy.